Paramore - Turn It Off
And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We’re headed for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize
I’m better off when I hit the bottom
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my mom, miss her, ache for her in an indescribable way. It kills me that I’m missing the one person who would have done anything for me and understood me in a way that only a mother can. When I went home this past weekend, I fell apart like I haven’t fallen apart since she first died but as these things go, I also fell together in some ways. My dad has been there every step of the way, supporting me and loving me in ways I’ve never appreciated before and buried beneath the pain, I haven’t always paid him the credit he’s due. When I came home from visiting Meg at college this past weekend, my dad had put together a lunch for me for the bus. Spaghetti (which he knows is a staple) with leftover grilled chicken that he cooked and laid on top with a plastic fork, a box of strawberries from Wegmans (the best store in my opinion), a water bottle, and an orange. It doesn’t seem like much and it’s easy to compare it to the way my mother would have put it together (no note, no wetnaps, and no bag for the strawberries- just the box), but the effort was there. He’s doing the best he possibly can and it’s easy to forget that he’s hurting as much as I am. He’ll never be able to take the place of her but he’s trying and I’ve never loved him so much for what he’s done. It’s been hard (hard being an understatement) but we’re making it through and for the first time I feel like I can see the light. It’s always darkest before the dawn. She’s watching over us (I’m more convinced of it now than I’ve ever been) and I know that I’m nowhere close to being healed but taking a moment and realizing the support you have can be incredibly uplifting. So it everyone who has been there every step of the way- thank you. You know who are and I owe you everything for getting me through this tragedy. Thank you.
I hate this fucking house. It’s such a weird sensation walking around knowing every corner and every room yet feeling like you don’t belong. I hate it. I need to get out of here.
I shouldn’t have clicked on the link, I shouldn’t even have been on your twitter. It’s as if I can’t slow down, I have to be either standing still or rushing through life. What’s my hurry? Why do I need to know everything about you, already? I did this before, jumped in headfirst before I knew a thing about the situation. I need to slow down and let this come to me. I have to learn to accept that if something is meant to happen, it will.
Started drinking early. I’m walking a thin line of caffeine and desperation and I have no idea how to stop what I’ve started. I hate cryptic messages but I honestly can’t put anything into words right now.
studies have shown that the worst possible side effect of marijuana is feeling the constant need to talk about it