It’s nights like these that are the hardest. After a long day of coming and going, all I want to do is go home and curl up. But you won’t be there, you won’t be waiting for me and nothing hurts more than the reminder that you’re gone. I can’t even stand the idea of my house anymore because everything is you. 

Just earlier, my grandmother turned to my two cousins and me and said “your mother called earlier, she wanted you to call her back”. For the shortest second, I forgot everything. I thought she was talking to me. I thought you had called, like you did so many times before. Fourteen missed calls when I’d been with my friends for three hours, two missed calls when you knew I had class, two texts and a call when I slept past 10 AM. I miss the pointless messages you used to leave me that I would delete. “Hi, it’s me” or “Call me backkk”. I miss the happiness in your voice when I’d finally call you back. “FINALLY! You called me back!” You loved talking to me, hearing any piece of gossip I had. Whether it be that my high school friends were having boy trouble or that Sam and MIchelle and I had gone grocery shopping, you wanted to hear it all. Mostly though, you would call just to say hi. 

Now I don’t know where to go. I’ve locked myself in the bathroom because I can’t stand hearing Jenny and Rachel talking to their mother. I can’t stand the mindless updates because five months ago that was me. I can’t stand crying in front of anyone because I’ve held strong for too long. I miss you so much. I can’t even put in to words how much I miss you. I’d give anything for more time.